he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
