put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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