No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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