The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
