Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
