I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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