definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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