..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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