Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
