If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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