I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
