At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just want to make out with him forever
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
