I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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