What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
