He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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