living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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