i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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