I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
