In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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