I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
