He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
