i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
