I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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