I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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