theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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