I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
