you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
