Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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