no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
