forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
