having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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