I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
