I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
