just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
