My friends, they love my intelligence
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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