I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
