Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
