oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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