My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
