Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
