You work out of a Hotel?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
