just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize