oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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