I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My liver just had a heart attack.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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