he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize