I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
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