OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
