I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
