you're like a bully in the Christmas story
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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