I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
