so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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