clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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