In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize