please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
