I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
