i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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