I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Someone signed my nipple.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
