Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
