would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
