we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
These tits shall not be calmed
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
