I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize