things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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