I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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