K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize