yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Mom said you looked used
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
