You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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