I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
