There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
