She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
