I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
