nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
