also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
