wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
