can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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