i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
MIDGETS
????
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
