I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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