there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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