I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
